Don’t miss it!!!

Stay tuned tomorrow morning for a BIG ANNOUNCEMENT!!!

Not in My Hands

I had a bit of an emotional breakdown tonight…I just felt really overwhelmed all of a sudden.

Liz and I received updates from some of our contacts listing potential road blocks for some of the things we had planned.  At first, I tried to just look at it from a logistical standpoint – “Ok…maybe if I just send a couple of more emails, and if we can raise a little more money, it will all work out…we can’t give up!”

But I quickly began to slide into feelings of helplessness and frustration…

My heart broke into a million pieces as I read an article about the continuing collapse of Zimbabwe…absolutely devastating…  and as I thought about the possibility of us not being allowed to cross the border into Zim, I wept and wept…

“What’s happening?  God, what are you doing?  Don’t you want us to go into Zimbabwe?  Don’t you want my dream to be fulfilled – to be able to go into a country that’s facing unimaginable chaos, and to document life there and share it with others?!?  Don’t you want people to know???”  I felt so incredibly helpless in that moment…disappointed at the thought of not being able to do anything…not being able to “tell their story.”  Without even being there yet, I felt like I had already failed Zimbabwe…  I wanted to save them.  And to save South Sudan.  To end extreme poverty.  To provide food and water and gas…   “If I can’t, who will?”

Hmmm….Blanca….who am I to think I have control over anything?  Who am I to think I can somehow all of a sudden save the world?  Who am I to doubt God for even a second?  To think that He DOESN’T care?

Is 41:17. The afflicted and needy are seeking water, but there is none, and their tongue is parched with thirst. I, the LORD, will answer them Myself, as the God of Israel I will not forsake them.

I need to believe that…I need to trust and believe and feel with all of my heart that God is indeed much bigger than I, that His heart is much greater than mine, that He WILL NOT FORSAKE THEM.  It’s not me or Liz who can answer the cries of the afflicted.  Sure, we can do what we can to help.  And, Lord willing, I will live my life doing what I can to help the poor and afflicted.  But my expectations, my motives, my heart must all be in the right place.  I am not above God.  And I MUST remember that God is in control… He is ultimately the one who will bring about change.  My life and the life of those I dream of fighting for are all in the hands of the Lord…

Not in the hands of Blanca…

When Will I Be Wise?

This evening, I prayed something like this…

Today, it seems even more impossible.  It is looking like we might have to drive into Zimbabwe alone.  If we even still dare to go…two girls navigating unknown roads and border crossings amidst recent cholera outbreaks.  Should we?  Our tickets into Sudan were purchased for the wrong city and travel across land is “not advised”.  We can’t get in touch with the Iraqi Embassy about our visas.  Not to mention, the extra $10,000 we have to find.  I don’t think Blanca’s piggy bank of change is going to make much of a dent in that… What do we do?

Then I read this in Psalm 94

LORD, they crush Your people; they afflict Your heritage.  They kill the widow and the foreigner and murder the fatherless.
They say, “The LORD doesn’t see it.  The God of Jacob doesn’t pay attention.”
Fools when will you be wise?  Can the One Who shaped the ear not hear, the One Who formed the eye not see?

When will I be wise?  He sees and hears regardless of whether or not Blanca and I get to.

I can rest in that truth.  Right now, surprisingly, by His grace, I do.

But yet still… we must choose what our hands will do….

When all the love in the world
Is right here among us
And hatred too
And so we must choose
What our hands will do

Where there is pain
Let there be grace
Where there is suffering
Bring serenity
For those afraid
Help them be brave
Where there is misery
Bring expectancy
And surely we can change
Surely we can change
Something

And the problem it seems
Is with you and me
Not the Love who came
To repair everything

And I don’t know
What to do with a love like that
And I don’t know
How to be a love like that

When all the love in the world
Is right here among us
And hatred too
And so we must choose
What our hands will do

Where there is pain
Let us bring grace
Where there is suffering
Bring serenity
For those afraid
Let us be brave
Where there is misery
Let us bring them relief
And surely we can change
Surely we can change
Oh surely we can change
Something

from Surely We Can Change by the David Crowder Band